In which “My house, my rules, buddy" fails to work at the loft.
Okay, this is actually what you do if you’re being sexually harassed in any kind of public space. Draw attention to it, preferably pull away and let EVERYONE know that someone is touching you. This will not only get him to get off you but he’ll definitely think about this situation next time he wants to do something like this.
Spreading the word.
My mom and I were talking about this today after hearing about a woman who was molested on a plane who said nothing until she was picked up at the airport by her parents. My mom looked at me and asked what I would do in that situation and I looked her dead in the eye and I told her “it would take me .02 seconds to realize what was going on and yell angrily, and then I would be straight on to bitch slapping him so hard he wouldn’t be able to see the punch I’d throw with the opposite hand”.
She nodded and accepted my salty language like a seasoned sailor.
I’ve had experience with this before, in Prague a group of five girls and I were followed by three men at night. After a while they started yelling at us, the most common being “how much?” Meaning how much we “cost” as prostitutes. Seeing as they weren’t going to stop, I turned on my heel, faced them (which surprised them), spat at their feet and responded with “You couldn’t afford me.” This prompted the other girls to start yelling back at them as well, starting with our spitfire Czech friend to start slinging curses in Czech as she and the rest of the girls came up beside me. Needless to say the men backed off and pretty much fled. They weren’t expecting a fight. It empowered me and encouraged the rest of the girls to yell back too.
I’ve heard that a lot of people don’t know what to do in this situation because they’ve been taught all their lives to be polite and non-aggressive. Keep your heads down or whatever.
Keep in mind that studies have shown that rapists look for victims who won’t fight back.
Remember that nobody has the right to touch you without your consent or harass you, and you have all the right to make the biggest fuss about it that you can possibly make.
Get angry. Be in command.
ok like this is great if you have the ability to do this and it’s safe to but sometimes it’s not ok? and some of us just don’t have the energy to do this kind of stuff. like i would be afraid to argue back with those men because it might escalate and make things worse. and that line about rapists targeting people that fight back is really borderline victim blaming because you’re acting like aggressive women who fight back don’t get raped when that is NOT true, sometimes men will rape aggressive women JUST to put them in their place. sometimes, if you don’t make a fuss, it’s safer.
at the end of the day this is not women’s fault. this is not the victim’s fault. this is patriarchy. this is men making violence against us a constant reality. there’s tons of ways to cope with this violence: try to get away, fight back, freeze and hope it’s over soon, call it out, etc etc and ALL of them are valid. depending on the situation, any one of those could save your life or save you from further harm but if it does it’s BECAUSE you are lucky not because you are “savvy” or “feminist” enough to not get it as bad as those other women/girls.
Like I am all for calling men off and asserting your boundaries- but sometimes it’s not possible or even safe to do so. And you’re acting like it’s a piece of cake to undo years and years of socialization to not be in command and to acquiesce just by reading one fucking tumblr post. I might know in theory that men who refuse to move out of my way on the street or who spread their legs on the bus are dicks and I have a right to lash out at them, but oftentimes I do nothing or I even apologize to THEM for nearly walking into me. Some days I curse under my breath or move my legs as wide as I can to assert my space. Some days I yell. Some days I keep my head down. Some days I acquiesce. We do what we do to survive. Our options are different, our backgrounds are different and we face different situations. We are up against years of socialization, and a whole society that will demonize us for yelling at that man in self-defense and back him up for violating us. Do not ignore what we are up against. Do not ignore that most women are doing all they can in these situations for self preservation.
Reblogging for that last commentary.
bolding is mine
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